Fuck what now?

At first you were everything I wanted. And without a care you suddenly..just weren't? How does this happen? I just don't understand! It was perfect..maybe to perfect...maybe being this far just doesn't work out as well as I would have wanted it to. And maybe I'm just looking for a good thrill. So again maybe, its not you. And as for you..who still messes with my head..how the hell does this work out! I can fight you, and you can hate me, and I can cry over you. And one good word..and I'm back to where I started. Why is this so messed up, and why can't I push either of you out and get someone new.
Uhhh fuck you frustrations of the heart. fuck you residence. Fuck you schooling/webCT fuck off useless times of my life.
Hello new beginning starting from the bottom and working my way up once more.

1:00am is no time for this.

I keep digging this hole. Deeper and Deeper. Maybe one of these days I should stop digging. Because my muscles aren't getting any bigger. And I might just end up burying myself alive.

BBF!

24 hours to a day.

I was really thinking today, after a cup of coffee with Ashley, that maybe

there was a reason I was put here. That maybe sometimes When I was looking for an answer

it was just right infront of me. Being more obviouse then believed.

After coffee, I walked home, mittens and all.

And really thought more, looking towards the sky. As a person I was capable of many things.

I just needed the time to do them. Maybe my body isn't perfect, and maybe I fret to much

over my looks due to casual acceptance of society. But maybe, theres really something more

to look for. It doesn't really matter how I look, but much more on how I present myself.

Not in a fashion way of course, but as a personally, hey I'm myself, way.

Maybe I just need to stop looking, and see whats already found me. I need to use the tools

I've already been granted. Problems can all be solved, we just need to think what

initially caused them. Simple? Yes. Do we use this simplicity...no?

Why would we when it seems so easy to find happiness, yet we still surround ourselves

with useless products that in the end we'll just toss away with disapointment.

Maybe...no not maybe..We should live our lives as the people we were made to be.

Not some global creation for others stereotypes. It's the ones who are themselves that we long

to be like, but yet we copy? It's really a confusing matter, but it lives on.

And maybe in the end, it doesn't matter what we achieved compared to who we've met,

touched, experiences and felt along the way. It doesn't matter who envys us, or has

our picture on their page. Because when they close your coffin lid, it's just you.

Body without a breath. But from wherever we stand at that point, I just hope to be someone

who I'd be proud of.

Theres 24 hours in a day, and every hour has 60 minutes. How are you using them?

Ah hell...

Sometimes I just don't know about you.

STUPIDHEARTMAKINGMECARE

He's Amazing.

I quite possibly have the best neibour ever.

We're pretty much two peas in a pod. No one has ever adored my music, movie and style taste in my life. I think I'll keep him! (cause together we're pretty much amazing.)

Love Me.

If I cut off your arms,

and cut off your legs.

Would you still LOVE me, Anyways?

Kills Me.

The Excitment is killing me.

In more ways then one.

Part of me jumps in a "joyful" manner.

Part of me aches to be back.

And Part of me wishes you would be less judgmental, and accepting.

(i.e. - I like you...not your friend.)

I'll Marry You.

There's a lot to be said about two people who need eachother continuously but never say it outloud.

P.S. - One for the books...He opened his mouth, He wanted me like I wanted him.

And well..he kind of Loves me too.

It's me.

---------------MAY-----------------

A born Leader. Loved by the oppisite sex. Loves to be spoiled and spoil back. Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Amazingly the best by far in bed. Has all the answers to make others happy. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Not shy towards oppisite sex. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the lowerback and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves Sports, literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home (unless accompanied). Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Definatly a keeper.

(Thats so wikked cool!)

Ohh its what you do to me

I believe in ghosts, and Vampires as truely I adore my imagination and all the things it has inside of it.

I think more people should look into living in their heads, I do.

Reading comic books are my way out of reality into a more 2-D world, care to join?

The pain of a peircing gives me a rush that no other drug or alcohol can provide.

I watch horror movies and sleep with the lights on after.

I'm deathly afraid of chickens. Their crazy whack!

When I drink, I order Greek food afterwards. I forever claim it tastes best at 3:00am.

I go for the music, not the media.

I think I should Marry Gerard Way, or someone like him.

Clone High comes on at 3:00am, I'll sit up and wait for it, even if I work tomorrow.

I write songs about anatomy mutilation. It gives me butterflies.

I hate wearing dresses, and Pants, but I love miss matched socks.

I talk to my stuffed animal Zeke. He's a Zebra. He's for ages 2 and up.

It's still possible to cry off water proof mascara.

With a sharpie marker in hand, I'll create any form of art.

I'm scare to move on to the future, fearing I'll lose my past.

Being the middle child has the most advantages. I'm nothing like my siblings.

I prefer thunder clouds over rainbows anyday.

Medical Mysteries entrap my mind.

I've been told I break hearts. Maybe it's true.

I never want to go back to highschool, I've had a smile on my face since

I left.When I dream of someone, I can only imagin whos dreaming of me.

Sometimes I wonder what kind of effect I'll leave on this world.

p.s. - I've claimed to have master ninja skills...I still am yet to be proven wrong.

I hate to Choose...

So he finally took the step and asked for my number.

But I think it may be to late, as I've started to crush on another.

Cute and hardworking vs Tall and funny

This is not a match I want to fight.

But personally....I hate myself for saying

I hope the tall one wins my heart, and I hope my heart doesn't hurt the Cutie.

Eyelash curlers saved our lives!

Being best friends means not caring what you look like or how you dress,

its about telling that person to take another shot and record a drunk video on

being in Hintonwood.

I love myself today!

Sometimes I really don't have anything important to say, but maybe sometimes I just need to rant about something to myself, because I know everyone else will tell their closest neibour.

Sometimes I feel used by friends who should treat me better, by guys who really do think the female anatomy is just for fun.

Sometimes I try so hard to impress people, but it's killing me inside. To those people, I know I'm not true friends.

Sometimes I should just be me... And for onces say FUCK YOU to everyone who doesn't like me, because get over it, I love myself today..not like yesterday.

Red in the Face

I CAN'T BELIEVE

THAT YOU MADE ME

DO SOMTHING I HATE DOING

INFRONT OF PEOPLE

(truth be told... I thought I grew out of blushing)

p.s. Thanks. <3

I'll Never Tell.

Sometimes it's better to not explain how you know the person, just tell "Others" to be pleased that their demands were met.

Looking Up.

Maybe I should for once look above, all what is happening below, Maybe then I'll stop running into obsticles.

Who?

Who do I choose? Who do I please? Who do I miss? All questions, in which I'm still trying to answer. Maybe if I sleep on it one more night, the problem will be solved. On a bright note, the baby is well and healthy. How often can you say that about your boyfriends ex-girlfriends child, who is his?I'm to sweet, but the baby is sweeter. <3

Wake me Up When September Comes.

Last Night I Jumped Off A Level Far To High.

But I'd Do It Again Just To Watch You Laugh Like You Did.

I'll Miss You Edmonton Home.

I'll Miss You Edmonton Friends.

I'll Miss You Edmonton Zosia.

I'll Miss You 944 Mark!

Math and Love don't Add up.

Is it possible to fall in love with two people at the same time? Because if is isn't... why is it happening...?

This Ladies and Gentlemen is what I like to call a mess that I myself may soon be buried under. Lets do some quick math to make this more logical.

Three Girls + Two Boys + One Baby = A Cat fight, Heart Break, and a Father-less baby.

Good thing I don't like Math...

Let me make my own Mistakes.

I thought Dating was supposed to be enjoyable. And that it didn't involve hurting someone else. Especially someone of the opposite Gender? Please just let me fall and make my own mistakes. I'll never learn if you taunt me with past experiences. Please just let me learn.

Butterflies...

I don't think you're allowed to have this effect on me, especially when all my friends say no and the stupid little bugs say yes.

Why I love being dirty...

Zoe: We're going out to get fucking MUDDY!

Chantel: Seriously..Muddy?

Zoe: FUCK YES, LETS GET DIRTY (Later completely covered in dirt)

Chantel: I fucking Hate you Zoe...

Zoe: Its Love hate!

Sweet Little Lies

It's funny when you're laying in bed and then you can hear someone talking about you. It kind of makes me grin because I like the fact that they all try to team up, and you know the moment you walk out, they will be your best buddy. But then again maybe I do slighty deserve this "talking about" since I'm quite the the queen of Sweet Little Lies. But of course they don't know that. Oh sweet sweet evict. coming up quickly. I can hardly wait for spring semester. When I'll look back and laugh. My hearts pretty stone. It's pretty Rad.

YOU'RE NOT ME...

Seriously...You're not me, you never will be. It's not that I own any of my style, or music legally, but I do own my thoughts and needs and actions. And when someone who has known me for years looks the same, dressing in my clothing, preteneding to know the music I listen to, as if you've heard it long before I have...And now its even come down to the people I love that you've attempted to get close to, but its funny because last time I checked they couldn't stand you. Get a fucking grip and stop trying to be me. Personally I'm not that effin amazing, but if I'm your hero, then be a friend, don't try to act just like me. Don't try to prove that you're more outstanding and that you know everything in the world. Just get a fucking life and get out of mine, because I'm one of a kind, so what the hell are you...

Those Friends

There was once a time when I thought good friends didn't exsist. I thought that the only way you would find friends was to be something you were really not. I believed this until that night. When we all sat together, Problems on the table and books on the floor. Then it occured to me as my tears fell. That these were the friends that I didn't have to be someone else infront of. These were those friends...These were my friends... These ARE my friends.